Posted in comedy, humor, humour, writing

Girl Afraid: A New Novel From The Writer Of That Other One

I’ve started the second book. I mean, I’ve plotted some of it; planned the first chapter and a few of the subsequent ones, but it’s a very different affair to the last time. I sort of know what I’m doing now, and what I’m capable of. This time last year I was just another dickhead who thought he had a novel in him. Now I’m a dickhead who might have two.

I’m almost finished the definitive copy edit on The Boys of Summer, which means I can upload it to lulu.com and see it in print. That’ll be exciting. Of course, if you pColm .; bought it in the fAlanirst few days of publication, you got what I like to call ‘The Collector’s Edition’, with its host of typographical errors and gaping holes in continuity. I THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! (seriously though, Facebook me and I’ll send you the new version)

Shall we have a Q&A session? YES, CIARÁN! LET’S!

Q: So what’s the new book called, and why?
A: It’s called Girl Afraid; because there is a girl in it, and she’s afraid.

Q: Sounds deep, man. Smiths reference?
A: Yep. I can’t help myself. There’s always a Smiths song playing in my head. It’s like there is a light, and it never goes out.

Q: That’s another one.
A: Hah! Sorry, bigmouth strikes again!

Q: Fuck off.
A: Quite.

Q: So is this one set in Éire?
A: No, it’s set in London; the nice parts and the not so nice.

Q: Is it another nostalgia fest?
A: No, this one’s set in the present day, ostensibly. I’ll try and avoid contemporary references though. That can date things badly.

Q: So no ‘She woke agitated, the tune of the webuyanycar.com advert ringing in her ears,’ then?
A: I should hope not.

Q: Is there a love story in this one?
A: Sort of. The main character has recently broken up with her fiancé, so she thinks about that quite a bit.

Q: Oh, so no awkward sex scenes then.
A: What do you mean, ‘awkward’?

Q: You know, like in the last book?
A: I thought those were beautifully written!

Q: You would.
A: Yes. Anyway, there may be some sex; who knows?

Q: You  know. That’s sort of the point of this.
A: Touché.

Q: The Boys of Summer was full of gut-wrenching twists and emotional peril (I’m quoting someone from amazon there); is this one going to be along the same line? Will we be gut-punched again? Will we cry?
A: This one will be like The Boys of Summer, TIMES A THOUSAND.

Q: Right, so it’ll actually be a full-length book this time.
A: The Boys of Summer was full length!

Q: If that’s your idea of ‘long’, I feel sorry for your girlfriend
A: It was an ACCEPTABLE LENGTH!

Q: It was like a hundred pages.
A: It was two hundred and sixty two pages!

Q: What, in Dog Years?
A: In MS Word, double spaced, 12pt Times New Roman

Q: Okay, but Girl Afraid will be longer, right?
A: Yes, definitely.

Q: Same price or more expensive?
A: It’ll be six dollars, so the same price.

Q: A bargain then. When will we see it?
A: January is a realistic target, but it would be stupid to miss out on Christmas.

Q: True, that is when people are most foolish with their cash.
A: Damn straight. Idiots love Christmas.

Q: And that’s basically your target audience.
A: You’re not an actual person you know.

Q: How so?
A: Well, it’s just me doing the questions and the answers. You’re not real. So don’t be so smug.

Q: I am totally real. I’m wearing socks and everything. Stop trying to Inception me.
A: Whatever. Say goodnight to the people.

Q: Awwwww, but I…
A: Say goodnight!

Q: Goodnight everyone
A: Quite

Now go buy my book, if you haven’t already. It’s absolutely good.

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Author:

Self proclaimed author, cynic, saviour of humanity.

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