Posted in humor, humour, Uncategorized, writing

My Life As A Published Author (And Other Exaggerations)

Tits! Now that I have your attention… still tits.

So I published the book. A little over the deadline (more so when you take Amazon’s processing into account), a teensy bit errory (I’ve already fixed, don’t worry), but published nonetheless.

The feeling of satisfaction is pretty immense. Mainly because I’m pretty sure that it isn’t shit. Then again, I was pretty sure that it wasn’t shit when I did the First Draft, and it was definitely a bit shit then. And in the middle, when I thought it was finished, I was all: ‘This is not shit.’ And it kind of was. So is it shit now? It might be. It isn’t though, because a bunch of people said a bunch of stuff about it to me, and people on the internet don’t lie. That’s just basic science.

It’s very peculiar to see people on my Facebook newsfeed talking about my book (that they’re reading) like it’s an actual real thing. For all the hate I throw at Social Networking, it has its uses. It still deserves the hate though.

Here’s a quick Writing Tip: If you ever have a character in your book whose name you need to change, and you think using MS Word’s Find And Replace tool (Hold CTRL and press H) is a good idea, DON’T try and change a name like ‘Ray’, because Word will change every instance of ‘r-a-y’ in your manuscript to the new name. Ray of light, Sting Ray, Array, Ashtray, Pray, Prayer, American spelling of ‘grey’- NOTHING IS SAFE. So, yeah. I pColm you don’t make that mistake. Not that I actually made it- I was pretty sure that I’d got all those in the final edit, but I missed one. There’s an edit on the way to Amazon, so if you bought it/buy it today or yesterday, your version is the Extra Special Collectors Edition.

How can I buy it though?
Well, on Amazon.

But I don’t have a Kindle!
You can buy it anyway, and convert it to your eReader of choice, using the free software

But I have no eReader at all! I don’t even know what one is lol!
Then you can use the same software I just linked to read it, or download a free app for your phone, PC, Mac, iPad, Gameboy, Megadrive, Atari 2600, by going to

But I like real books, not reading stuff on computers! I can’t read stuff on computers!
What are you doing right now; listening to the Audio Book of my blog, read by Stephen Hawking?

But I don’t know what it’s about!
There’s a description/blurb thingy on the Amazon link, written by some of my girlfriend’s Fiction Editor friends (FANCY!)

But I don’t know if I’d like it!
On the link, click the cover and you can read the first chapter and a bit.

Do people like it?
They apparently do. Here’s some ‘Praise for The Boys Of Summer’
“Riveting. I am riveted.

Also, you made me stay up too late. I am going to be so freaking tired tomorrow, jerkass.

♥” – Margaret P
“Great. My last six hours of no kids for three entire weeks. A massive list of kid-unfriendly jobs to get done, and now I’m stuck in bed reading. Thank you very much Ciaran!
No, seriously, thank you ♥” – Julia R


“I had to put the book down just as Richie met the new girl next door. I didn’t want to mind, but it was gone 1.
I’m enthralled, in fact I woke up and immediately went and read another page.
I LOVE Richie, such a perfect depiction of a child who feels pressure to no longer be a child. I love his Mam too. I love how I can picture the surroundings and even the boys with out much of a hand from you. That’s how I know it’s good, as I could see it in my head pretty much right away.

My head is whirling trying to work out what is going to become of this lot. Plus I’m fairly fluent in Limerick slang now. Fuck you Rosetta Stone.

Can’t wait to read some more.”- Carly M

Now, if you’re all quite finished, go buy my book. It’s less than the price of a pint, and it’s guaranteed better than 84.5% of self-published eBooks, or your money back. No one’s getting their money back. Let’s get that clear from the start.

Love you!!!!

Here’s the USA link!

And the UK Link!

And if you’re in another country altogether and you’re still reading, I bet you’re totes clever enough to figure how to buy it where you live.

Keep reading this blog, btw. I’ve started three new books already, and I know how much You People love my updates. And my delicious face. Happy reading!



Self proclaimed author, cynic, saviour of humanity.

5 thoughts on “My Life As A Published Author (And Other Exaggerations)

  1. congratulations. I’m strongly considering buying it. I hope I still am after clicking the link, but suspect I will be since your posts are always good.

      1. just spent 6 bucks on you. downloaded the app thingy to read it with. still wondering if the pic atop this post swayed me. looking forward though.

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